i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
