the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
