Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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