dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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