She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
