you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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