I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
