I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think i have two assholes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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