just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
