if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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