Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
