i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
