I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
