I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
