a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
