She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
