Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
