So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
