Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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