I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
