Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
