I didn't shave. On purpose
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Randomize
