stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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