Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
