woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
