actually, I'm a sock model
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
