That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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