i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
