u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
