that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
