You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
