Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
