her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
