mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
