i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
