That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
