We're facebook friends in real life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
