I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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