Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
