I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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