After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
