i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
