How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
