Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
