so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
