I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
