listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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