Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
