I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
