was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
