It's Friday. Sex?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
