I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
