Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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